May 14, 2008...11:12 pm
Nine Lives
My attempt at fiction……though not all of this is complete fiction. Some recent events spurred me to write this piece. Sorry for the thoroughly morbid ending.
S, you probably will never read my blog but I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. May God give you and B the courage to get through this terrible time.
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Her drive is a lot more pleasant this time. She can actually breathe in the fresh spring air when she rolls the windows. She turns right at the stop sign and enters the complex, navigating one speed bump after another, watching for people crossing the road. The parking lot is full as usual. She circles the lot for a little while and finally chooses Row 5C, over 5A and 5B. ‘C’ was her class division throughout school and that was a happy time in her life. A quick face check in the rear view mirror and she is ready to head in. Into the familiar environs of the fertility clinic. She mentally adds up the digits of her appointment time - 9:45 - 9+4+5 = 18; 1+8 = 9; okay 9 has been a reasonably lucky number for her, so this is good. Though coming to think of it, last year was a 9 too (2007 = 2+7 = 9) and her life wasn’t exactly very lucky last year. Wonder what today will hold. She gives her name to the receptionist and is about to pick up a battered copy of ‘Better Homes and Garden’ when the nurse calls her in and drones out the instructions that she is by now very familiar with - please empty your bladder and come to the adjacent room. Strip from the waist down, use the sheet provided to cover and wait for the doctor. Sitting on the examination table, waiting for the doctor to show up, she instinctively reaches for the copy of ‘People’ magazine that was next to the table last time. But it’s not there any more and nor is there any other magazine. As she looks around the room there is a knock on the door and the doctor walks in, with yet another new intern. This time, a man - blond hair, blue eyes, comfortably plump, tall with a smiling face and pleasing manners. The doc cracks his usual joke about the intern being her good luck charm. By now, she is comfortable enough with the procedure that she jokes back - You better find me two eggs this time, one in each ovary, or I will demand a new lucky charm next time. Feet in stirrups, eyes staring at the ceiling, she lets her mind wander, wondering if today is the day she can finally stop worrying about lucky charms and lucky numbers and lucky times…..
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Has it been nine years already? Where did the time go? Well, she knew where the time went but still it was difficult to see her baby all grown up. He was already at the age where he was questioning summer trips to the grandparents; it won’t be long before he starts being embarrassed of his parents. She opens up the picture album, the one she had carefully built from the time she found out she was pregnant. It hadn’t been an easy decision to quit her job once she had the baby. But you know what? Not working actually suited her. She did not miss the hectic crazy pace of her work life one bit. It was funny that after running away from having a baby for her career all these years she had done a 180 degree turn to completely run away from work. She had turned into the person she had spent her 20s hating. Well, the last nine years had been rough but she had no regrets. Now off to planning that birthday party. She wonders if he will like his Pokemon cake…
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Her cell phone rings in the middle of the training session. She can see the call is from home. She had told them not to disturb her at work unless it was urgent. Bet this is about who gets to eat the last slice of pizza. She is tempted to let it go to voicemail, but decides at the last minute to pick it up. It’s her younger son, C, and she can hear the panic in his voice - Amma, amma, I don’t know what to do. I found Bhaiya hanging from the ceiling. He looks dead Amma. I had gone out to play. I only left him home for a couple of hours. Please come soon Amma. I don’t know what to do…..Two colleagues accompany her home in a taxi, but it’s too late by the time they arrive. They use that same taxi to take the body to the hospital and later the morgue. She wants to scream, pull at her hair, gouge her eyes out…..but all she can manage are quiet tears. Her eldest, her baby, the one she struggled so hard to bring into this world, has ended his life and there is nothing she can do about it. If only she had not taken up this call center job….she would have been at home then and none of this would have happened. She had just started working again, about six months ago when her older son started engineering college and the younger one joined countless tuition classes. She hardly saw them both these days. She had done so well at work, becoming team manager within 6 months, that she finally started believing that her luck had turned. Her mind subconsciously dredges up today’s date 27 = 2+7 = 9……she had always wondered about the number 9 not being lucky for her, and now she finally knew.
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